"the bogeyman"

I have tried to make these little chats about Parkinson's light reading. No need to worry loved ones; certainly don't want to betray any self-pity, and if I can't keep my spirits up, who will? But, occasionally, like tonight, when afflicted with some new and novel torture, I give in, ever so slightly, to despair. At these times I tend to view my illness in very personal terms. It's as if there's another person inside me - some evil, malicious monster intent on making my life miserable. I have named him, "The Petulant Stranger Within".
At times like this, I drag myself out of bed, make my way downstairs to my office, and fire up my blog. The hope is that the writing will cause me to become mentally exhausted, drag myself upstairs and fall asleep.
Hopefully, tomorrow will dawn and I will feel better. It's happened so often before; the prospect lightens my mood. And then it hits me. I probably won't even put this in my blog; I wouldn't want to tarnish my reputation as a happy-go-lucky guy.

Note: Normally, when I write something like this, under duress (so to speak), it doesn't end up in my blog. Last night, I accidentally clicked the "Publish" button instead of the "Save as Draft" button. I intended to either re-write it or more likely, delete it this morning. But wait! Am I fearful of revealing something about myself that I wouldn't want others to see? Weakness? Vulnerability? Or am I afraid I'll make someone else depressed? So I asked myself, "Who am I trying to protect?" No one who reads this little snippet will have their lives shattered upon hearing of my pain. Why not just tell it like it is. Life is not all peaches and cream.